An Introduction for Outside Looking In
As part of dealing with Mom’s issues of her aging along with having dementia created in part by her Alzheimer’s, I decided to start writing poems in free verse about my thoughts, questions, emotions and events. That would gave me great freedom. Freedom to write what I wanted. Freedom to write how I wanted. I'm not one that would just sit down and start doing research and then write a blog posting or a paper to help me cope. Oh no, that's just not me. Also, it's not what I needed to do. I needed to vent! I needed to yell! To swear and curse! To come to terms with what was happening. To accept all that is, all that will be. To accept the final outcome.
There was another time when I was writing free verse poetry. Today, that feels a lifetime ago. Because it was. I didn't have any real problems then. All where healthy, no major diseases. Friends and family were still alive and nearby. Responsibilities were few and small. Now, many years and 180 degrees later, life is much different. Good friends have become lost. Family members have passed away. Nephews and nieces have grown.
The driving force behind this revival began with a blog posting of mine called He Never Had Ketchup Again. This posting resulted from my dads passing early in 2015. Originally, I thought this was going to stay a posting. Then a crazy idea got ahold of me; convert this posting into a poem. From there, the whole concept of writing poetry again quickly developed. I very much enjoyed creating that posting. Also, dealing with the feelings that resulted from this loss became easier as I wrote it.
Having all those earlier poems to choose from was comforting, but creating new material, that was the big draw. Because of this, I decided to continue writing poetry. Soon afterward, the poetry quarter of my web site was created. From there, these “poetry books” emerged. When the blog posting was converted into a poem, it was placed into another “book” called Never Went Home Again.
This “poetry book” arose as is a spinoff off from “Never Went Home Again”. Originally some of the poems now posted for “Outside Looking In” first were posted in that book. That book’s theme had loosely to do with the inability to return to “home”. Home could be a time or place. It has a very open ended definition of what Home can be. Yes, mom could no longer return Home, but there was much more happening then that one inability. So with that in mind, I decided to create this poetry book with it’s theme being more then just mom’s loss of Home. It would be the loss of the love of her life by her side. The inability to remember most everything. Wanting to still be living in her home and tending flowers and garden and so on. Hence, I created “Outside Looking In”.
I will easily admit, these poems may not be all that good, no prize winning poems may be coming from this little corner of the world. I will do my very best in writing them, but the priority is simply releasing the pent up stresses, worries and anxieties.
Thank you for your interest. Thank you for letting me indulge myself. Mostly, I thank you for sharing this journey even though I might not have been the best of company. Your companionship has meant the world to me.
Doug Thornhill (dct)