The Math Was Never Peer Reviewed

As long as I can remember, which isn't that long with my memory, I’ve been saying I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Now, about 7 yeas short of retirement, I'd better pick up the pace in finding a life’s career. Currently, I'm doing the same job for the same company since being hired 1989. Which means at retirement, I will have worked there for just over 35 years. Some will say I’v wasted my life because of this choice. In their mind set, that would be true. But what counts is my mind set, wanting comfort and security, which easily overrules their arguments. This leads into a life’s rule of mine which is never to rock boats, especially any I'm siting in. Once something seems to be running fine, I don't like messing with it. No matter what that may be.

This decision to remain employed for three and a half decades at one company spawned many pitfalls. I’d never really be challenged. I’d become stuck in my ways while living in a rut. Life experiences could be limited. I’d become dependent on others who will make decisions impacting my life and wellbeing in very profound ways. Coming to terms with the regrets along the way. But the benefits out weighted these pitfalls.

Please, don't get me wrong, it's been a good job, having enjoyed it most days. It must be since in the end it will have consumed half my life. Early on I said I didn't want to retire from it, but now it looks as if I will. So call me gutless, a coward, weak. Fine, but it’s my life and it is a long haul. I have fears and this decision helped appease them.

Yes, I made a safe choice, one that traveled a newly paved road with little resistance and limited exits. A path that was only right for one individual, me. Becoming a clog in the machinery. Most nights I sleep well, but every so often, I'll wake up deep within night’s realm, unable to slumber. It's then I'll get up and wonder downstairs. Sometimes I'll watch TV, but there are other nights I'll sit enveloped within this home’s night, listening to the quiet and it sleeping. Hearing the boiler kick on and ice cubes dropping in the freezer. In the background old wooden floors creak in their sleep.

As a drowsy little cat lays curled up in a large chair with me, I'll begin discussing and reviewing where I’ve been and from where I started. What I've traveled though and what I've done or not done. Examining the choices made, opportunities taken and missed. Thinking of what dreams may come, speculating how my end game plays out. Yes, I must have missed a few adventures along this path. Other jobs could have been taken, other careers followed. But these choices, taken or not, lead me to finding and marrying the love of my life. Enabling me a chance to return to where I was raised, to live out my life there. Returning also allowed me to support and comfort Kath though the passing of her mom and dad. Then years later helping my mom and dad though their final years. 

Every birth is unique. Every death is unique. Every life is as unique as the person that travels it. I may have missed riding a zip cord, but I've seen Bob Seger three times. I did the math so here I am. Unfortunately, the math was never peer reviewed.

Doug Thornhill (dct)